Even if you don`t pay for food, you and your partner should act as hosts to facilitate the conversation and make sure everyone is comfortable. You know your own parents and probably know your in-laws, so use what you know to lead the conversation around common interests. Think about topics ahead of time to avoid a conversation that feels like an interrogation. Get the “Where do you live? What are you doing? Avoid questions quickly or, better yet, use them as a starting point. If your dad is a chef and your mother-in-law is an avid home cook, steer the conversation toward their common interest. Whether you`re scheduling the meeting or not, make sure it`s something everyone agrees with. “You don`t take the vegetarian to the barbecue,” Post says, “you have to be a little smart.” When the check arrives, the one who offered to host should pay the bill – if the other couple offers to share it, don`t break the rules of etiquette by saying yes. You have finally found “one”. Congratulations! But now is not the time to breathe a sigh of relief.
First of all, you have to overcome another challenge: meeting the in-laws. Ouch! It is clearly more than just a meeting. You need to convince your partner`s parents that of all the “fish in the sea,” you are the right person to marry their child and make them happy for the rest of your life together. While meeting the in-laws can be nerve-wracking, remember that your partner adored you and chose you for a reason, so their parents are more likely to follow along than not! Maybe your future mother-in-law doesn`t drink, but your parents are the best buds with alcohol. This information is worth sharing with your mom and dad so they don`t insist that the in-laws stumble upon a champagne toast with them to start the evening. Each also relied on the other`s sense of humor. Will your future father-in-law be a fan of your father`s weird jokes or will they offend? Do you introduce your parents to your future in-laws? Here`s our foolproof guide to bringing them together. Choose a time that works for everyone and choose a place that is easy for all family members to access. You may want to meet at a restaurant or coffee shop, but decide in advance who will pay the bill. Something you may want to consider is gathering in a place where there is an activity or type of food that everyone can enjoy. Make sure you arrive on time or even better a few minutes earlier. Don`t let things get too tense.
If you see that one of your rentals is leading the conversation in rushing waters, paddle again. Seriously, leave politics and religion at the door if they don`t share similar thoughts. No one wants to debate between Conservatives and Liberals, especially when they meet for the first time. Usually, taboo topics like religion and money can pop up in conversation, as they are often related to wedding plans (and wedding plans are, after all, what you all have in common). If you start to feel tension over the religious details of your ceremony or budget, put that discussion on the table for later. “It`s really a calming meeting,” Post says, “but a lot of people take the plunge and make it a meeting where we start planning the wedding — because it`s hard not to.” It`s also a good idea to have a predetermined end time. Even if everyone gets along well and has a good time, there will be plenty of time to meet in the future. Even the best in-law meetings can be stressful. The good news is that there are no rules for parents to meet before a couple gets engaged. “It can really be before or after,” says Lizzie Post, etiquette expert and co-author of Emily Post`s 6th edition of Wedding Etiquette. “Don`t be so concerned that it has to happen at some point. You just want to focus on making it a good, positive introduction.
While he can`t wait to rave about the love of your life right away, most of the time that`s what they`re hoping to hear. But, Jones warns, while your partner`s parents want to know you love their child, they certainly don`t want to imagine you becoming intimate. So hand over the PDA when you meet the in-laws. “A kiss on the cheek is acceptable, holding hands or putting an arm around your partner on the couch is acceptable. But recognition or strong touches are not appropriate,” Jones says. When it comes to what to wear, let yourself be guided by what you know about your future in the laws. Are they super casual? If so, you and you might be uncomfortable dressing too much. Do they tend to dress a little more chic? If so, dressing too casually could lead you to reject this important event. Keep in mind that first impressions remain, so take the time to choose an outfit that suits the occasion but still matches who you really are.
“Looking a little neat, comfortable, and tight will seem thoughtful and impressive,” says Carmel Jones, a relationship expert and writer for the thebigfling.com website. While it was up to his parents to arrange a meeting, this is no longer the case. “Traditionally, the groom`s family turns to the bride`s family,” Post says, “but it`s an old-school tradition and not many people know about it.” Now, the family – or the couple – can first get in touch and offer to set up a meeting. Suggest a get-together at home or at a restaurant for brunch, or plan an activity your family loves and wants to share: a round of golf, an afternoon on your boat, or dinner at your favorite restaurant. “Whatever typical socialization one of these couples would normally do, it`s entirely appropriate to invite them to do so,” Post says. Don`t worry too much about your in-laws getting to know you: this is your chance to learn more about them too! That`s why it`s important to resist the temptation to wander around yourself all night and instead focus the conversation on the things you want to talk about. “Ask them how they met, and they`ll probably give you tons of information that could provoke follow-up questions,” Jones says. Or ask about childhood stories related to your partner. Anything that requires a bit of family history or personal stories will show that you care about who they are as people and how you fit into their idea of family. It`s much more interesting than asking a question about their day or their professional life. » After the meeting, don`t forget to send thank you letters as soon as possible. Send one to each household and don`t forget to mention something specific that happened or a topic you enjoyed discussing.
The extra touch of your outward gratitude will go a long way in warming their hearts. Make sure in-laws feel comfortable with their hosts. It`s always a little uncomfortable when the check arrives at a group dinner. If you meet at a restaurant, make sure everyone understands that each pair will cover their own share (not divided in three directions or in the middle), or bite the ball and pick up the bill for everyone. If you do any of these things, the unpleasant efforts to treat each other or bitterness will be eliminated when someone orders the most expensive thing on the menu. Now, there`s one thing you might worry about, and that`s meeting your future in-laws. Worrying about whether they will like you or not can take away some of the joy of the moment. Considering that they`re about to be “family” for a lifetime, this shouldn`t be a big deal, but for some reason, that`s how it feels. Luckily we`re here to calm your nerves (and your fear of embarrassment) with everything you need to know to make sure the in-laws reunion goes as smoothly and pleasantly as possible. No, you don`t need to browse your in-laws Ancestry.com profiles and dive deep into all their likes and dislikes, but you should be able to give your parents information about them. Let them know about their hobbies, jobs and interests to give them icebreaker equipment.
What you shouldn`t do is tell them how to behave, meeting new people can be awkward and you don`t want them to feel weird about their conversational style or manners. After meeting the in-laws for the first time, you should send a follow-up text or thank you note. “Small moments like this show the family that you appreciate their time and look forward to spending more time together as a family,” Jones says. And of course, it also bodes well for the next big event – introducing your future in-laws to your own family! You know that hosts always have the upper hand.
